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Story Week 4: Friday Night Lights

[Characters]: 



Brad: Quarterback for the Athens football team

Eric: Running Back for Athens

Coach Hader: Head coach for Athens

 Darren: Quaterback for Trojans football team 

[Setting]:  

Football field. It's a great night to play sports; the sky is clear. The stadium is full of fans, wearing golds and reds. We're at Athens High School during the national semifinals playoff game. Athens High is playing against the Trojans. They trail by 10 points in the final quarter. There is 8 minutes left on the clock. The camera zooms to 2 boys wearing gold football uniforms on the sidelines. Cheerleaders lead chants in the background. 

Brad is sitting on the bench, looking angry

Eric joggs off the field and over towards Brad

[Eric]: BRO. Come on. Enough of your petty drama with Hader! Do you see this crap out there? They are MURDERING us. 

Brad rolls his eyes, but says nothing

[Eric]: You're the best guy that we have! Dude, you know that we can't win this without you! 

[Brad]: It's not my fault you guys suck at football! Why don't you yell at Hader instead of me? He's the one that said the team didn't need me to win!

[Eric]: Please man, just think about how great prom will be if we can pull this off. If you lead the team back from this, you'll be a hero. This team needs you! Actually NO. I need you, bro. Do this for me. 

Coach Hader starts to cry as Darren scores another touchdown for the Trojans

[Darren runs by the Athens]: Losers! 

Brad stands up 

[Brad]: You know what? I'll play. But only if you get Hader to apologize to me. He has to know that I'm the best quarterback Athens has ever seen.

[Eric]: You got it man. But let's save that conversation until after you destroy these Trojans. We only have 6 minutes left of the game. 

[Brad]: No problem. 

[Brad yells to the team]: Huddle up guys! I have a plan to bring these wannabes down! 

Athens calls a timeout. After a team huddle lead by Brad, the Athens football team runs out to the field, ready to destroy the Trojans! 


Author's Note: This story is based off The Deeds and Death of Patroclus from the Iliad (retold by Alfred J. Church). In the original story, Patroclus is trying to convince Achilles to fight in the war against the Trojans. Everyone knows that Achilles is needed to win the war, but he's being a petty jerk because the King of Greece offended him. In this story, Brad is Achilles; Eric is Patroclus; and Hader is the King of Greece. Brad Pitt played Achilles in the movie Troy, so that's where I got the name! I wanted to have fun with this story, so I changed it to a modern day football game, which is war-like sometimes. I actually don't watch a lot of football, so this might be very inaccurate lol. I've also never written a story in script form, so that was fun to play around with. Thanks for reading! 


Image Info: 
Brad Pitt as Achilles in Troy
Movie picture found on: Doux Reviews

Comments

  1. Hey! I like how you told the story of Athens vs Trojans in a modern since. The football spin was really interesting to read about and you did a great job in your writing making it representative of what modern lingo is like (including sentences like 'BRO.' haha). Did you consider not listing character and plot information at the beginning and incorporating it into the story? I see in your author's note that the script-form was intentional, and in that case I think it brings a unique perspective to the story. I also think that if you kept it in a traditional storytelling method you would be able to incorporate a lot more detail and excitement. One suggestion would be to elaborate on the coach-quarterback relationship. Reading it I could see there was tension between then and sort of how it came to be but more detail would make that flow better in my opinion. However, I really like what you did with the story! Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Grayce,
    I loved this rendition of the story! It was so creative.
    I really liked how you took a similar element of battle in order to retell the story, because it gave off the same message. Maybe next time, consider going a little deeper into the character relationships? That way, we understand why the coach and the player were having conflict. I would add a little more context as to why the football player was refusing to go in. This was a great story!

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  3. Hello, I really like how you interpreted this story into a modern day football scene that could easily related to and easy to read. I am personally a big football fan and love the tv series Friday Night Lights so I was super excited to read your story. I really liked how you added the setting section into the story to give some details and a clearer picture of what is going on within the story. One suggestion that I have is maybe you could have added some more background information like the importance of the game, the rivalry of the game, or the relationship between the players and the coach. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and the unique twist that you incorporated.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love "The Iliad" and I especially love how you portrayed Achilles' petty slight with Agamemnon as a football game. In the end -- it wasn't about the women. And you nailed it here. It was about their pride and how it was hurt in the power dynamics. Achilles/Brad was almost petty in his abandonment of the game, and Agamemnon/Hader's slight was portrayed well. I just feel that people unfamiliar with the 2004 movie could have used a summary or connection prior to the script, because it took me a minute (and I'm familiar with the story) to connect the characters to the your modern choice of names. Either way, those Trojans were going to be destroyed! Makes you wonder why anyone chooses that as a Football name.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Grace that was awesome! I would never have thought to tell that story of Achilles in such a creative way. I love football and have seen all of Friday Night Lights. I liked the incorporation of something that people are familiar with (football and high school) to draw them into a much older story. I also liked how you set the scene very obviously at the beginning so everyone has a vision in their mind of what is about to play out in the story. Did you consider adding the synopsis of the original story or movie at the beginning? It was a little hard to follow just jumping into the story right away. However, that is a strategy that can add a hook that pulls the reader in and makes them want to learn more. I thought you did a phenomenal job and keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Grace,

    My favorite part about your story was your inclusion of ancient cities and culture with a modern invention, such as the sport of football. The reinvention that describes the events of the Trojan War is highly astounding, especially in such a context. I love the creativity! A question I have would have to be what's the conclusion and how did the game come about? I would love to see this as a series and follow the characters after this game. I think this would add clarity as well as more insight on the level of your creativity. Looking forward to reading more from you!

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