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 Link To Storybook: Portfolio: Strange Stories from a Strange Town 





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Dark Ocean

Found on: Thought Catalog 

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  1. Hi Grayce!
    I really like the look of your website. I can tell that the stories are going to be more eerie so I think the look of your page fits that. I like the darker blue color along with the picture on the home page because I think that it fits the theme of the stories you are going to be writing. I think your first story has lots of imagery which is great. I found myself reading the story and imagining what Markus was going through. I think imagery is a great tool to be able to incorporate in your writing. I also really enjoyed reading the end of the story and how she told him not to look at the closet yet he still did and then he got consequences for doing that be being eaten.

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  2. Hi Grayce!

    First of all, I really loved the design of your website. It's a little bit spooky and scary, and perfectly sets the scene for your stories! I read your first story this week and absolutely adored it! Markus is such a perfect character, everything he does makes sense. I also really loved the description that you gave to Gladis. It made her really easy to picture as I imagined what she was doing and the way she attacked Markus. I don't know if you've watched Avatar the Last Airbender, but she reminded me a lot of the water bender/blood bender that they visit in season 3! The only comment I would give is that I wish there was a little bit more about Markus's motivation for entering the woods. We know he wants to prove the townspeople wrong, but I think making the aspect of the bet with his friends a little clearer would help us understand his incentives a bit more. That being said, it's a great story and I'm very excited to read more of what you write!

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  3. Hi Grayce!

    First off, your portfolio looks great--spooky and scary--perfect for Halloween! I do have a question: what is the “strange town” that these stories are from? Not a truly serious question, but I was just curious about the title, ha ha. Anyway, I loved your modern retelling of the story. It reminded me of scary/horror movies we see today and how the main characters do the exact opposite of what they should be doing to avoid their doomed fate. It was great storytelling and I enjoyed reading it from start to finish. There was a good balance of Markus’ narration and dialogue between him and Gladis, too. The only thing I noticed was just a minor punctuation error: “Please, let me go!”, he begged the goblin.” I don’t think you need the comma here since there is already an exclamation point. Besides that, I think your first story is creepy and great. I can’t wait to read more spooky stories!

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  4. Hi Grayce! Perfect timing for October and Halloween! To start, the layout of your blog really set the tone for the stories really well, I definitely get an eerie feeling from it! I also really like your writing style, I think your story flowed really well and you also use dialogue and descriptors really well? I don't know if that's the exact wording I'm looking for but I could definitely learn from your writing! All for the sake of a good story but Markus is dumb bro he really saw an old lady walking around in freaky funky forest and went yes - this is the woman I am going to entrust with my life. I really liked the ending though! I've always found it really stressful to write a good ending to a story that has built up so much suspense, but you did it so well! I will definitely come back to read more of your stories later, great job!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Grayce, as I was reading your second story, I think I may have actually read this one for an assignment (which is rare because there are so many stories and so little overlap)! I remember your first story being ominous and spooky out of suspense, but I felt like this one was more of a sad love story. However, that definitely didn't take away from the ominous factor! Again, your use of descriptors was great, and the story flowed so well together! I actually also wrote a story about the moon and ocean for my storybook, it's in a completely different context, but I thought it was interesting because even across languages and cultures, there are still parallels in their relationship no matter how they are portrayed. Mine interprets the moon and ocean as a yin and yang relationship, in a constant push and pull, eternally chasing each other.

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  5. Hi Grayce,

    As I opened up your portfolio, I was immediately engaged! Your header picture perfectly matched the theme of your portfolio title, "Strange Stories from a Strange Town."

    Before reading anything, I have major "Haunting of Bly Manors" and "Stranger Things" vibes. I love both of these shows so I am super excited to dive into your portfolio.

    Your first story, "Goblin in the Woods," was very very good! The picture was the first thing that caught my eye and I am not going to lie, it is very creepy! But, your writing is just really good and engaging! It reminded me a lot of Hanzel and Gretel.

    I also really like all of the imagery and details you used! It made me feel like I was right there with the characters. And, the dialogue was very entertaining.

    I can't wait to read more of your stories this fall! Keep up the great work.

    -Libby

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  6. Hello Grayce,

    I love your portfolio! I read both of your stories and I really like how descriptive your writing is. You did a wonderful job of setting up the stories with context that allows the reader to understand what is happening. My favorite of the two was "The Moon and the Ocean." I also rewrote this story but you took a different angle that I had not thought of, but I loved it. You incorporated two different stories to create one masterpiece.

    I think it would be a good idea if you told us more about Markus's friends in the Goblin story. Why do they owe him $200? Do the friends believe in the goblin? That was the only part I had trouble understanding and I thought it could be touched up on a bit.

    Other than that I thought these were two terrific stories, Well Done! I cannot wait to read more from you!


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  7. Hi Gayce :)

    I really love your story telling style. I loved Markus's voice and narration in your first story, and the story in a story for the second one! You're doing a really great job!

    For your first story, I was definitely sucked into it. When Gladis pulled out her stew I was like, "Oh no, that's a human person." There a re just a few tweaks I would put to the story. One is in a couple places there needs to be subject-verb agreement when you have two things, just change the verb to its plural form. Keep an eye on your commas, especially in the third paragraph where there shouldn't be a comma before with. Markus also doesn't respond to Gladis's question before she invites him in. Other than those things, I thought you did a wonderful job. I loved Markus's voice, and you did really well adding in the backstory into the first few paragraphs. If you want to add some suspense at the end, maybe instead of spending the last paragraph on Gladis's own viewpoint you could make it to where Markus almost gets away, and then Gladis gets him.

    For "The Moon and The Ocean," I love how you looked at the source story and turned it into this! I never would've thought of that. The way you formatted the story within the story differently than the one around it was really well done. I loved how you put the dialogue in italics. That was my jam. I can say I definitely didn't expect Rebecca to die! Maybe to include the town's "curse" or whatever you would like to call it, you could end the story with Rebecca seeing the trapped spirits of the girls in the water below her. However, Rebecca is convinced she won't get trapped and will succeed in being reunited with her lover.

    You have wonderful writing, and your storytelling is fantastic. Very good job! :)

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  8. Hi Grayce!
    I have been to your site before I really love it! I also remember reading your first story and really liking that one as well. I really love the look of the page for your second story. I think the cliff in the back really sets the scene for the story and makes me intrigued to read it as well. I also really love the start of the story where you tell that the moon and ocean met, I think thats a really cool aspect to the story. I also think its cool how you say lovers from over the world go there. I think it could be interesting to elaborate a little bit more on that and saying how romantic the spot is. I also really liked the part of the story where is sounds as if the ocean has a personality, I think that is very interesting. I also enjoyed how there was peace in the end. Good job on your story!

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  9. Hi Grayce!

    I was so excited to see your story come up on my wall this week to read! Your title sounds fabulous and spooky which is perfect since Halloween is right around the corner! The images you chose are creepy and eerie which is perfect! I couldn't wait to read your first story about the goblin in the woods. I loved the foreshadowing of Gladis telling the boy to not go into the closet because everybody knows that means we are going to see what's inside the closet. I would have loved some more descriptors on what Gladis looked like too. Also, does Gladis transform into a goblin at night, or was she is disguise? How long has she been eating humans? Who is going to be the next visitor at her home? I think answering these questions would give the story some clarity. Are the other stories you are going to write different from this one or are they going to build off of each other? Overall, I love how you made Gladis this creepy goblin-like character who eats boys and makes them into a signature stew. It's gross and spooky and everything a haunted horror story should be! Overall, great job!

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  10. Hi Grayce! Your portfolio is coming along super nicely. I am in the Indian epics class but I never would have thought about adding a little not for which story you would like people to give you feedback on.. I may need to incorporate that into mine! Your images at the top of each page really set the mood for each of your stories so that was really cool. I didn't read the original version of your story 'The Moon and the Ocean' but I really enjoyed the format you used when telling the story. It was very easy to follow and made for an extremely enjoyable read that flowed well. I thought it was cool that Rebecca quite literally took a leap of faith at the end of the story to be reunited with her love. Overall, great job! I can tell you had fun with this story and it turned out amazing!

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  11. Hi Grayce!
    Your portfolio is really cool. I got the chance to check out all of your stories, as well as the images that go with them. I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into the creative images in your project. I like how you have added banner images as well, I think that adds a nice touch and looks really clean. I think it gives the reader a really good visual of what the story is going to be about.
    I also really like how your images encompass what your story is about, and are not just random stock photos, or the first picture you found on your google search. The pictures actually add and element to the story, instead of just being something random to look at.
    Great job!

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  12. Hi Grayce!
    I really love the spooky vibe to your portfolio. I was scrolling through the class list to find a project to comment on and saw the title "Strange Stories From a Strange Town" and that instantly caught my attention! I love reading weird, creepy stories that give me chills. I thought your first story about the goblin was very well-written. I like how you changed the ending to make Markus die. I love endings like that haha. I also really enjoyed your moon and ocean story. I love your take on the origin story. I would love to read a spookier version so I'll check in when you update it! I think a ghost who haunts near the coast making girls jump in would be a nice addition. Maybe there is a girl/wife who is obsessed with Markus and is enraged that the ocean steal him from her. So she jumps into the ocean to attack it but ends up dying/losing/drowning. As a result, she becomes a ghost and causes other girls to share the same fate she did. I also think near the end of the story it will flow better if you said "Rebecca finally understood the story" instead of "She finally understood..." so that the readers know right away that you're talking about Rebecca now and not the ocean.

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  13. Hi Grayce!
    I picked your portfolio from the class list because of the title. Your images for each story are really awesome and add to the spooky vibe!

    For your story The Moon & The Ocean I really enjoy the idea in your author's note of the cliff being basically haunted. You already have a tale within a tale with this one. I am not sure how to include basically extra ghostly happenings in this one. It reminds me of the stories about cars stopped on train tracks - if you put flour on the bumper you'll see handprints after your car moves off the tracks.

    Granted that is a more benevolent style haunting than a cliff/ocean that is the site of multiple disappearances. I bet something could be added towards the end of your story about avoiding the cliffs in the town by the sea when you are heartbroken. Also I apologize for the stream of consciousness/disjointed state of this comment! I am fighting a migraine and while I know what I want to share with you I am afraid it is not coming out properly in this format!

    Overall - I love your portfolio so far and hope you do add some more spooky stuff to your cliff by the ocean
    -Eli

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  14. Hey Grayce!
    Your portfolio is great! I love the fitting images you used and the fact that you use tabs for your image information (both of these things help make the overall look super aesthetically pleasing). I really enjoyed reading your story, "The Moon and the Ocean." I absolutely love how creative you were with the plot! You made it so romantic and honestly way better than the original. As an origin story, your version makes much more sense to me, based on the style of other origin stories I've read. Your descriptions make the story a much more immersive experience for the readers. I think it would be great if you italicized the entire portion where the man is telling the story, just to separate it from the present-day portions of your tale. Also, it might help a little to be consistent with your tenses in the first paragraph. I loved reading this! Good luck with your finals!

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